Oberhallau
12/17/1882
Dear Oskar,
I received your second letter Friday dec.15th
which I want to answer immediately. It was impossible to answer right away on
your first one, nevertheless it (my letter?) arrived on the ship at the same
time that you wrote, and I suppose that you will receive mine at the same time
I received yours.
I read in your letter how good the
food is in America, for which I wish you every joy with it, when things are
great for you, that you are healthy, your well-being lies me close to the
heart, and it pleases me no end if you
are just as concerned about your Mother as I am about you. I cried many tears
since you said goodbye to our homeland. What causes me even more pain, so much that I could die for sadness, is the knowledge that your father had
already earned so much money, which he spent in his ecstatic sense of joy and
satisfactions without ever thinking of his far-away wife and sons, without
giving any thought of sending them some help for their education – it is
unforgivable, it calls for revenge, if this were allowed, but God’s word says :
revenge belongs to me, I will reward, says the Lord, He will give each man
according to their actions, be it good or bad, and because you have a heart
full of love to your Mother, which I hope, you will understand and agree with
me – but understand me well : if you have love and trust to your father, I
don’t want to rob you of this if this is the way you want it. You do know how
many difficulties and hurdles we had to overcome to raise you both, I hope you will be able to sympathize with me. Is everything OK with Emil, please dear
Oskar, write me in detail and answer every little question. What is your daily
life like, what do you do – is your father nice to you – does he take care of
you as promised. And his wife, where does she come from, how old is she, is she
nice to you ? is your father happy with her?, do they have a servant? And what
are the names of the children? Do they love you and you them? Are you feeling
comfortable there? – so now you are a step-brother!
Why do you want to go to Buffalo,
do you mean the whole family, how many of you are there, why don’t you want to
stay with your father until spring, please write me the reason, he accepted you
from “Kindesstadt” (could mean “adopted in infancy) and therefore you
are his heir – you write you don’t want anything from him, this gives me much
to think about – please be wise and act accordingly – please outweigh the
possibilities – don’t upset him, take council with him, so that you will always
have a home to go to, in case things don’t go well – only don’t let yourself be
seduced with theater- and concert -
life, that doesn’t please the Lord, and there is no blessing in this,
even if for a short while happiness smiles upon you, it is never lasting – just
think of Mrs. Arni in Hallau, she was with kings and emperors and now she is a
poor women – it’s nice to sing and dance if it’s to honor the Lord – I would be
so happy if you learned to play the sitar – does your father send you to school
to learn English – do you love him – are you good to him like a son should – He
promised he would let you learn anything you want, or is nobody caring for you
– does he buy you clothes – do you have to do your own laundry, or why do you
write you have to take care of yourself, how do I have to understand that? Why
do you write you don’t want anything from him – I’m really surprised about
that, as it’s nice to have something, I
feel you shouldn’t leave him so early, he’s the one who wanted you or is the
situation not that clear, I can’t advise you,
you know best, but think it over very carefully. Do you regret to have
gone to America? My wish and longing
would be to have you here in Winterthur, because an unspeakable homesickness
and fear of a dark future torments me daily, did we take the right way , did we
do the right thing – or how are you, write everything honestly and openly –
does your father ever ask about me – does his wife know that you are his son.
Emil wrote also, why don’t you put
the letters together? Of course it costs double, but just write really small
then there is room for a lot. His letters are cold, and don’t give much
information, I could think he forgot me. Gottfried received his letter from me,
he said he wanted to know real news, and how things are in Syracuse and if the
letter had an end.
Page 3.
Dear Emil, when you
write, give some more information, so that your friends don’t laugh with you
because you write so little, although Gottfried was very happy to hear from
you, but everybody wants to know more.
I was really sad that you hadn’t
written yet Make sure you tell me all very precisely , are you allright, what kind of a man is
Oskar’s father? Does he have a good wife, what is his attitude toward him and
toward you? Does he like you? You must have a good insight in the situation, be
honest and open to each other, you and your brother, and when people are good
to you, then stay, so that in future you will always have a place to go to,
when necessary. You will also know how to take care of yourself, honestly and
right and always intelligently, you may have to suffer yourself a little.
I suppose you will receive a
salary in spring. Be very thrifty so that you can send me some money also, I
need it desperately , you both know how much I have to pay and lately I’m not
well at all, I can hardly get up from bed – I do hope you will have a childlike
heart for your mother and not live a frivolous life.
Now I want to return to you, Oskar
and talk to you. Have you written to Grafs?- you promised them, and they are wonder
as well as wonder how you’re doing – write them immediately if you haven’t yet
and please make sure that your father sends them half of the money , he can pay
them 250 frks. It touches me even more
– I only used 170 frks from this fall,
without paying half to Grafs, and I still have to pay in Hallau, and if he
regrets you, then don’t be nice to him, then he is not a real father to you, if he doesn’t think
you’re worth it.
How are your watches, are they still good? If you could only
send me 2 or 3 dollars for Wiedmann in
Zurich - you could put paper money in
an envelope – I don’t want to bother you with the late payments of my debts,
but it is weighing heavily on me and Emil has to take care of Pfeifer in Zurich
….
If you and Emil want to leave your
father, he doesn’t keep his promise of sending me 30 frks a month as he
promised in writing, or was this only swindle – just remain there, I want to
see if he keeps his word, could really use it. So my idea is that you should
remain.
Mr. Keiser would really like to
receive a letter from you but write so it makes sense and with tact so that it
will have some value to him.
Lisi, Schmied’s daughter, also wrote a very nice letter, didn’t expect
that much from her, she’s in Marshallville in a hotel, is happy, the people are
pious, they have protestant ministers as lodgers. Saturdays they have
evening prayers, she’s very happy and enjoys to belong to a community that
takes care of her, the male- as well as female students procured her
everything, the ticket, they sent a telegram from Beran to Marshallville and
Greth, daughter of Berg Balis, picked her up – it was a happy reunion. She went
with Grafs to a “Germanum Versum” (probably
a German poetry reading ,) there were readings, even Georg Graf read. 40
girls and boys took part - music and
songs , it must have been very festive, I wish you will be there someday as
well. Are you going to church – Schreiber Graf is also gone to America, he will
join his children and Berg Balis in Marshallville. Geometers are supposed to
have it good, they earn well without having to lift “a cold finger”.
Is it cold where you are? We had a
lot of rain, but since the last 14 days it has bee freezing and we had a little
snow, do you have to be cold (freeze), do you sleep in the same room – has your
father been in Syracuse for a long time, it’s supposed to be a nice city –as
Lisi Schmied wrote – but I had expected a description from you guys. Jakob is also longing for you – he was very
sad that you didn’t remember him in your letter.
We close with many greetings (following was written in the margin)
from all who know you, Annbebili got married last Thursday, Schreiners send you
their greetings and ….Rose Srtuben is always good to me and also longs (for?)
so please write in more detail. Be wholeheartedly greeted and kissed by your
loving Mother and Jakob.
Please, tear up this letter so
that no one can read it. I’ll make a cross on the envelope and you do the same
so that we can see if someone opened it.